This week, exactly 30 years ago, my father died. His loss has been more palpable this year. This might sound strange, as it was so long ago. I think it is due to the fact that my own son is now the exact age I was when I lost my father. I look at my little love, and I can finally see how small I was when my dad was taken out of my life. Seeing my son, I feel more compassion and more understanding of how frightening it was for me as a little girl.
I truly believe it is very important to discuss all topics with children, and these include death, loss and grief. Death and grief are important to discuss with all children. However, this is even more so with children who have actually experienced the loss of a loved one. Books help normalise feelings like anger and sadness, which are part of grief. Reading helps children feel less alone in their experiences. They help grown-ups start difficult conversations and help children express their feelings. I therefore compiled a list of my favourite children’s books that deal with topics of death, loss, and grief.
No Longer Alone by Joseph Coelho
I borrowed this book from the library thinking that it was about getting another sibling. I was therefore completely taken aback when it was about a little girl who had lost her mother. Reading it got me all teary. The little girl feels sad and no longer enjoys the things she used to. She is feeling very alone in her sadness. She pulls away from her family and friends. However, at the end of the book, she starts sharing her feelings with her father. She notices that this helps her feel less alone. This book describes so well how a child feels after losing a parent. It also explains how important it is to share your feelings with a trusted adult.
What makes the book even more important at this day and age is that the main characters have a BAME background.
Age range: 3+ years
From the same author comes another great book on the same topic. ‘If all the world were’ is about a girl who misses her late grandfather. You can read more about this book in my blog post: ‘5 great children’s books with a BAME Protagonist’. I can thoroughly recommend both of these books from Joseph Coelho.
Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn Ringtved
Death comes to visit Grandmother and the four grandchildren that live with her. Grandmother is very ill, and death has come to take her away. The children ask why death has come, and he explains to them that life is only beautiful because death is there as well. It is a beautiful book with great drawings. Death is not scary at all, and the children are not afraid of him. This book can really help you to discuss death and grief with your child. It is also a wonderful book for a more philosophical conversation about this topic.
Age range: 4-8 years
The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup
This story is about a fox who’s old and tired after living a long, happy life. He falls asleep forever and as his friends mourn him. They start sharing their happy memories of Fox. As they recount stories about Fox, a beautiful memory tree starts to grow on the spot where Fox passed away. This is a powerful story about how the people we love will live on in our hearts.
Age range: 3months to 5 years
Mum’s Jumper by Jayde Perkin
A little girl’s mother is terminally ill, and after her mum’s funeral, a dark cloud follows her everywhere. Wearing her mother’s sweater gives her some comfort, and with time the dark cloud disappears. This book really touched me, and I loved how they explained loss and grief. They compare grief with her mother’s sweater, saying: “The grief may stay the same size. But my world will grow bigger around it”. It respects that the death of her mother will always be a big loss, but that her world will expand to include many other wonderful things again. I think this book is a must-read for children who are coping with bereavement. The drawings are also so very beautiful in their simplicity.
Age range: 4-8 years
The garden of hope by Isabel Otter
This is a very hopeful book indeed! A girl cares for the abandoned, overgrown garden her mom used to tend. This book shows how, over time, the loss of a loved one becomes less painful. That eventually there will be space again in your life for beauty and happiness. This book also has main characters with a BAME background
Age range: 3-6 years
More books to explore
These aren’t books I have read myself, but parents and bereavement charities often recommend them, and they’re well worth looking at too.
Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
When old Badger dies, his woodland friends are heartbroken. But as they share their memories, they realise that each of them still carries something Badger taught them. A gentle classic about how the people we love live on in what they’ve given us.
Age range: around 4–8 years
The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers
A curious little girl loses someone special and puts her heart in a bottle to keep it safe — but she stops feeling the wonder of the world too. A quietly beautiful book about grief, protecting ourselves, and slowly opening up again.
Age range: around 4–8 years
Grandad’s Island by Benji Davies
Syd and his grandad travel together to a beautiful island, where Grandad decides to stay. Without ever mentioning death directly, it’s a tender way to talk about saying goodbye to a grandparent.
Age range: around 3–7 years
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
Two children learn that everyone they love is connected to them by an invisible string made of love — whether they’re in the next room, far away, or no longer alive. Lovely for any kind of separation, including bereavement.
Age range: around 3–8 years
Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine by Diana Crossley (Winston’s Wish)
Not a story but an activity book, created with the charity Winston’s Wish. It gently guides children through drawing, writing and remembering someone who has died. Especially helpful for slightly older children who want to do something with their feelings.
Age range: around 5+ years
I hope that these children’s books on death, loss and grief will be useful to you. Useful in starting a conversation with your child around life, death and the feelings of sadness, anger and loneliness which are part of the grieving process. Do you believe that books are powerful conversation starters? Which books can you recommend to help you discuss harder topics with your child?
Holding on to the people we love
My dad was a keen photographer, and he left us hundreds of photographs. He’s only in a handful of them — but those few images are how I know him. The way he held me. The way he looked at us. They show me that he loved us, even though I was too young to remember it myself.
That’s why I believe so strongly in documenting family life as it is now — not the perfect version, but the real one. The ordinary days, the hugs, the voices. None of us knows how much time we have.
And if someone in your family is seriously ill, photographs or a film can be a gentle way to hold on to them. A documentary family photo session can capture the closeness between them and your children, and a life story film can keep their voice, their stories and their love for your children to return to as they grow. You can find out more about all my family films here.
If that’s something you’re thinking about, I’d be honoured to talk it through with you, with no pressure at all.
Where to find support
If your family is facing a bereavement, these UK charities offer free support and resources for children and parents:
