I was listening to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, when they discussed a questioned send in by Megan. Her question made me feel sad, but it also makes me feel even more passionate about getting parents into their family photographs. Her question was:
“I am calling with a concern that I cannot get anybody to take pictures of me. You know, I do not have more than four pictures of me taken since 2002 and I have told my husband that he has more than 50 pictures on my phone of him in the last three months. Him with the kids, with the baby, and it’s all so cute. You know, how many pictures of our family my husband has on his phone? Zero, zero! So this means when I die, in my funeral montage, there would be the same four pictures rotating since 2002 because no one’s taken a picture of me. And I do not want to ask him, because I don’t want that posed picture taken of me. I want something natural, and I want something where he just sees it and takes the picture. Where do I go from here? I hate being my family’s photographer.”
Megan’s words hit close to home for so many, especially for women. The thought of having only four photos over decades—while everyone else’s lives are documented beautifully—is heartbreaking. It’s not a little thing to want to exist in photos with your children—it’s fundamental. And yet, as life gets busy, it’s an easy thing to overlook.
Why Are Mothers Missing from Family Photos?
Often, mothers become the family’s de facto photographer. They’re the ones capturing birthdays, vacations, and quiet everyday moments. But in doing so, they rarely get to be in the frame themselves. This invisibility isn’t necessarily intentional on the part of their partners or families. Many partners simply don’t think to pick up the camera.
This isn’t a question of love or care— in my opinion it’s often a symptom of the mental load mothers carry. Women tend to shoulder the invisible, often unacknowledged responsibilities of family life: planning meals, managing schedules, crafting signs for the first day of school, creating traditions—and yes, documenting it all through photos.
But whatever the reason is for mothers not to be in their family photos, whether it’s part of the mental load or not, the result is the same: a glaring absence of the mother in her family’s visual history.
Why Being in Your Family Photos Matters
he absence of mothers from family photos sends an unintentional message: “I don’t matter enough to be here.” But your presence in your family’s visual history is vital.
It’s not about vanity. It’s about being part of the story you’re working so hard to create. Your kids don’t care about perfect hair or makeup; they care about the memories of you laughing with them, snuggling on the couch, or helping them with a scraped knee.
When Megan said her funeral montage would consist of the same four photos from 2002, it struck a chord. Photos aren’t just for now—they’re the legacy we leave behind. They’re how our families will remember us and how our children will see the love we poured into their lives. Years from now, when your children look back on those pictures, they’ll want to see you.
I’ve written more about the importance of being in your family photos , sharing my own grandmother’s story who did not like being in photos because of her negative self-image.
Getting Your Partner to Take Photos
The solution often starts with a simple conversation. As Amanda Doyle said, “Taking a picture of your partner does not take a lot of effort.” Many partners simply don’t realize how important this is or how much it affects you. Tell your partner how meaningful it is to you to be included in the family’s visual story.
Ask! You need to ask in the moment for your partner to take a picture, because the cost of not asking is just too high.By asking, we give our partner and loved ones the opportunity to see and document us. It might even lead to a shift where they begin to do it on their own accord. A simple request can create new habits, ensuring that you are no longer invisible in your family’s story. And don’t worry about the photos not being great, it’s better to have some photos that aren’t perfect than non at all.
If being the family photographer feels like just another responsibility on your plate, explore systems like Fair Play by Eve Rodsky to share family responsibilities more equitably. I have not used this myself, but have heard really great things about it.
Glennon Doyle and her co-hosts highlighted a beautiful way to get in photos by not only relying on your partner—start taking photos of your friends when you’re together and ask them to do the same for you. If you want more ideas on how to get into your family photos, I’ve written a guide with 7 tips to help you get in your own family photos—for more practical strategies to use.
Professional Family Photography
Even when your partner does start snapping pictures, there’s something irreplaceable about professional family photos. A professional photographer brings an eye for composition, lighting, and storytelling that casual photos often miss.
With a documentary-style session, you don’t have to worry about stiff poses or forced smiles. Instead, you can trust that the photos will authentically reflect the beauty and chaos of your real family life—with you in the frame.
Megan’s story is a powerful reminder: you don’t have to remain invisible. Start by asking your partner to help capture the everyday moments where you shine. Snap photos of your friends and encourage them to do the same for you. And when you’re ready, invest in professional photos that ensure your presence is seen, celebrated, and remembered.
Your presence matters. Your story matters.
If you’re ready to create photos that reflect your family as it truly is—and celebrate your place in it—I can help. Together, we’ll capture the moments that matter most. Send me a message to start a conversation with me.
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