Embracing Real Emotions in Family Photography
Because life’s richer than “Say cheese.”
You’ve probably said it before: “Smile for the camera!” Maybe you’ve said it hundreds of times. It’s what many of us grew up with – a kind of conditioned habit whenever someone pulls out a phone or camera. But let me ask you something. When you look back at those photos, do you remember the laughter behind them, or do you just remember saying “cheese”?
At Portray Your Story, I don’t ask children to smile. Strange, right? A family photographer who intentionally avoids those practiced, picture-perfect grins. But trust me, there’s more magic in the unscripted.
Let me explain why letting go of the traditional “smile for the camera” approach might be the most freeing thing you can do during your family photo session.
A Little History: How Smiling Became the “Right” Way to Take a Photo
In the earliest days of photography, people didn’t smile in portraits.
Not because they weren’t joyful — but because they couldn’t. Early cameras required very long exposure times. People had to sit perfectly still for extended periods, sometimes minutes at a time. Holding a natural smile that long would have been uncomfortable and nearly impossible. So neutral expressions became the norm.
Photography back then was formal. Serious. Almost ceremonial.
Then, in the mid to late 1900s, companies like Kodak changed everything.
Their advertising shifted photography from formal portrait studios into everyday family life. Cameras were marketed as tools for capturing happy memories from holidays, birthdays, picnics, childhood.
Joy became the visual message. And over time, happiness became associated with photography. Eventually, “Say cheese” entered our culture. Smiling in photos wasn’t just common; it became expected.
Without really noticing, we absorbed the idea that a “good” photo meant everyone looking at the camera, smiling brightly. And that expectation has followed us ever since.
The Problem With “Say Cheese”
On the surface, it feels harmless. Of course, you want a beautiful photo of your child smiling. Their happy face is one of your favourite things in the world.
But when children repeatedly hear, “Look at the camera. Smile,” something subtle happens.
They learn to perform.
They learn that being photographed means presenting happiness, whether they feel it or not. That the camera only wants one version of them. And that’s a quiet but powerful message.
Because happiness is only one emotion of many. A forced smile rarely looks like the real one. It doesn’t have that spark. That softness. That unfiltered joy. And more importantly, it suggests that other feelings don’t belong in the frame.
But real life is bigger than a forced smile.
What I’ll Do Instead (And Why It Works)
I create space for real emotions
Your child is not a miniature model hired to look adorable on cue.
They are thoughtful, silly, stubborn, sensitive, imaginative, loud, quiet — sometimes all within five minutes.
If your toddler is having a sulky day, that’s part of your story. If your teenager hangs back or gives me side-eye, I’ll photograph that too. If your child with sensory sensitivities needs time or space, I follow their lead.
Every emotion is welcome here. Smiles included, just not the manufactured ones.
I Take My Time
My family sessions often last three hours or more. Not because we’re forcing anything, but because I wait. I observe. I settle into your rhythm.
When children realise they don’t have to perform, something shifts. They relax. And when smiles come, because they always do, they’re completely different. I capture a toothless grin during a snack, wild giggles jumping on the bed. Quiet smiles while reading together.
And let’s be honest, in between? There’s also yelling, wandering off, zoning out, tears. That’s all part of it, and it all deserves to be remembered.
After all, it’s real life that we’re documenting.
I keep it playful, never posed
I don’t use any commands or ask your children or the rest of the family to do anything. Instead, I connect with kindness. I want to get to know their world, from seeing their drawing, their dance, or anything else they love or want to share with me. I don’t even mind if they ignore me or don’t want to talk to me when they first meet me. Very quickly, you get on with your everyday life, and I will be there to capture those moments. I will feel like a friend with a camera.
Photos become a byproduct of real moments, not the goal to chase. And trust me, you’ll love what unfolds.
Why It All Matters (to You and to Them)
Photos live on. Long after the mess gets tidied, the toys are given away, and your child grows into someone taller than you imagined – these images remain.
And here’s the true power of photography. It transports moments into the future.
A photograph isn’t just an image. It’s a time capsule. It allows you to step back into a season of life and feel it again. The noise. The energy. The softness. The chaos. The way your child leaned into you. The way they furrowed their brow when concentrating. The way they laughed with their whole body.
That’s what makes photography powerful.
It preserves personalities. It captures emotions. It shows relationships as they truly were.
Years from now, you won’t just see how your child looked, you’ll remember who they were. When we allow space for the full range of emotion, we create photographs that feel alive. Photographs that bring you back.
And that’s why I don’t want to reduce your family story to a row of identical smiles.
I want to help you create a visual history for your family. One where your children can look back and see themselves for who they really were – silly, serious, grumpy, joyful, all of it. And where you (yes, you too) are fully present in those memories as a parent who saw, guided, felt tired, had fun and loved every part of who they are.
